I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
