in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
