you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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