her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.