Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.