pedialite and red bull = repair kit
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough