Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt