But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize