problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
