the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
