yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
