She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
