You really coming over, don't trick.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
