fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
