What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
