Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
