is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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