Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i now understand why vodka
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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