yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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