Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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