my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
