can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
