I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
