Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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