I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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