i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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