you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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