she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
