He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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