it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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