I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
