ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize