you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sacagawea was the original milf.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Text me some of your sweat
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