We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
