one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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