remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
