i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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