We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
