the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
