this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
