We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
