Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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