So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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