I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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