I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
