yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I cuddled with a man named Pickles