Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I want to have your abortion
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Randomize
Follow @tfln