You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup