so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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