Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
