your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
