those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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