So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
