Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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