she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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