i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
