my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
