You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
