if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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