he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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