i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
