"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
