the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
