I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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